GOODBYE

That was one word I never got to say. I never really lost someone in my life. This was my first time dealing with a passing.

Before that, he was already fighting in a weak condition and it gradually became worse. Everyday my aunt would ring up my mum and update her about his condition. His appetite gradually became worse and in a month’s time, he grew so thin. The very last time I saw him was when he was in KL for a medical scan. The results came out, stage 4 cancer. The last critical stage. We were all afraid to break the news to him.

One night, my mum got called up saying that he slipped and the doctor said he was in a critical condition. I was supposed to tag along but i had to attend school due to studies purposes. Being a prefect, I broke the rules to just bring my phone to school. I kept praying and hoping that he would wait for me to get there right after school. In the middle of class, my phone buzzed and i excused myself to the ladies. It was a text from my mum, saying that he’s passed on. I started crying and my friends came to look after for me because I was away for quite some time. At night, when i got to my gramps place, I walked to where he was laid, he looked so peaceful. Seeing my mum cry made me cry even more. I just could not forgive myself for not being there one last time. 

Before the coffin was sealed, we were all given one last chance to say our goodbyes. I told him that i was sorry, for not being there. For putting him aside and my studies first. I will never forgive myself for this selfish act. I lost my grandpa to cancer last year. Despite him not being around anymore, I know that he would be watching us from above.